I miss my kids so much and I just want them here with me. Even just to watch a movie and go to sleep it doesnt matter, play monopoly or life whatever anything I miss them so much. Hate is a mild interpretation of how I feel towards him. And its not even an ugly feeling its that my kids believe every word he says because they trust him and he is using them and explioting them and making them think that what is best for himself is what is best for them.
The last 30 days have been hard and cutting off the money causing me to drown financially and legal fees are piling up. He's got $750 dollars extra a month now so far so we can carry this on for 6 more months. Every communication with him is him hanging it over my head that he has all the power and this is no different.. well be in court and he wants to hang me out to dry and make me look horrible and have the kids testify against me. I believe that this is where its going. I really do, so that if they say it then he doesnt have to feel guilty for doing this down the road.. I know they have been coached and every little thing that has happened over the last ten years has been exagerated in their minds so they can use it in court.. No part of this is going to be addressed as Marty, what part of this situation did you create??? Its all on me and how I reacted. And for the most part it was good. Im a positive person and try to do whats best. My mom is the only person when I was growing up who put my happiness before her own and that was the idea behind all of my effort to keep a good relationship with their dad.
I didnt want them to have to choose, I didnt want them to suffer because we got a divorce, I didnt want them to see me put a man in front of them in my personal life, I was a mom first and I wanted them to look back on their childhood and say my mom loved no one above me and she put her own happiness last. Thats what I wanted and still want. Im a good mom and nobody can erase that. They are caught in the middle and being manipulated by someone they trust and that is pathetic and completely typical. I had a job in virginia beach for $55K a year that I passed up in 1998 because I thought it was wrong to take them away from their dad. If youre lucky enough to have two parents who love you then don't take them away.. Kicked in the heart is what Im getting for that, and a part of me is angry at them because they are old enough to see what he is doing and no one is standing up for mom. I'm the villain here and that is almost funny. What a freaking joke that is.
The bottom line is if I have to pay this $873 dollars a month to him then that is $1623 dollars out of my household and into his pocket. Hes telling the kids that this is not about money, but I will bet my last breath that he won't accept Marks request for child support from me even though Im sinking as I write this. This time will pass. This is only for the next 4 years and there will come a day when I buy a nice 3 bedroom house and my kids are welcome to come and stay forever and he cant do one thing about it. They will understand what has happened and resent him for it. I know that day will come, and what I do now matters. I want them to see me strong and brave and deserving of respect. Not sitting here idle and in pain.
That day of reckoning is a long way off and there will come a day when they would love to take him out in the grass and kick the holy shit out of dear old dad. I hope you get what you have coming. I hope you rot in the hottest corner of hell and your eyes melt out. At some point you will, because I believe in that book of life and deeds and how your actions affected the people around you. Even if no one can see it right now I'm the hero of this story. I know it.
"No pessimest ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an unchartered land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Hellen Keller~
